im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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