I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
