I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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