Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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