All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
