oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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