Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
