Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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