At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
