my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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