i would punch a child for taco bell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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