No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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