cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
