she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
