A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
