Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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