you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
