my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
