She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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