Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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