I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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