The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
