We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
