She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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