Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
