Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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