Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
