but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
