So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
