my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
