Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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