I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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