I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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