Do you still have your period?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
