Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
