it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
