Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
