Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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