You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
