MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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