Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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