Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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