you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
