"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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