guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
