I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
