meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i think my cat just said my name.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
