is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
