You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
