you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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