Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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