FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
