Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
