She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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