My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
