Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
