I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
