At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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