ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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