I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
