So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
