Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
