EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
