I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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