Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
