i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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