she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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