Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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