And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
