the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
