until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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