He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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