this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
