Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
