In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
