did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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