I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
