we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
