Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
