You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
