just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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